Good Music: Let Me Tell You What!
Posted on July 13th, 2008
There’s a lot of people listening to a lot of music these days. You’ve got your top 40 airheads, your R&B/rap mofos, your alternative rock peeps, your screamo weirdos and so on. Music, like porn, seems to have mushroomed into a relentless eruption of uncontrollable proportions during the digital age. Anyone can download a couple programs, buy a mic and become a recording artist. These artists make up the ‘independent’ scene of course. Like in film independent recording artists are allowed a much greater leeway with what they produce since there’s no real money being put on the line by anyone but the artist themselves.
Again like film, big record executives now watch the indie scene for bands that are getting some buzz or creating a following. They then poach these artists (sorry, ‘discover’ them) and make millions of dollars off their hard work. Wow, I sound like Steve Blouin. Anyway, this is the basic lay of the land, as they say, in the music industry today. The question I raise is this: With so much stuff out there, how do you know what’s cool? And by extension, how do you know what to listen to in order to make yourself seem cool to others? Read on my friend, the answers lie below.
As with everything these days, the mainstream sucks. We’re about individuality, striking out from the norm, being our own person! So the first thing to do is look to your friends and see what they’re listening to. If three or more like the same band, that band must then be regarded by you as shit. Simply because of their over exposure. However, if two or less of your friends like a particular band, that means it’s pretty cutting edge and cool. You should like this band too. In fact, you should pretend that you liked this band even before your friends did and tell the rest of your friends about it. Then, when 3 or more friends have become fans of this band, you should move on saying that they’ve ‘sold out’ or that ‘their early stuff was so much better’.
For instance, take bands like Arcade Fire, Death Cab for Cutie and The Killers – as indie bands no one knew about, very cool – as popular bands everyone is talking about, LAME. The lesson: Don’t let yourself get attached to any band you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel their success around the corner. It’s the basic rule to being on the cutting edge of music. Knowing all the hip new bands is only part of the equation though; a really cool music buff knows the greats too. Which leads me to my next point.
Johnny Cash is god. Hands down. His music has crossed over into every single fan base and thus he is the most safe one to like. You see, with music history it’s exactly the opposite of new bands. When discussing music history your favorite artists should have a wide appeal that was earned despite a troubled past of naysayers and misunderstanding. Johnny Cash is generally the most accepted among the kind of people you’re looking to impress.
When confronted with a rival music lover that obviously knows more obscure modern indie bands than you, simply say ‘yeah well, nothing’s ever going to be as good as Johnny Cash’s Live at Folsom Prison album’ and all will be well between you and the other music fan. The reason is because music history is about trend setters. Bob Dylan, Jimmy Hendrix and Kurt Cobain are prime examples.
The best way to guarantee that a classic musical artist will be regarded as cool among your peers is to ask ‘were they understood in their time?’. If the answer is yes, then they are not cool. If the answer is no, start buying up the record catalog! The key proof to being a music lover is to have the record shelf to back it up. Which brings me to the finer points of music snobbery.
Always refer to CDs as ‘albums’ or ‘records’. Conversely, always refer to songs as ‘tracks’ or ‘cuts’. A subscription to RollingStone magazine helps. They are, after all, the leading literature in the field of music snobbery. Try to own a working turn table. Any music fan will tell you that vinyl is the fullest sounding music you’ll find.
Lastly, to be a true music lover, regarded as an authority on such matters in your circle of friends you’re going to want to have your own indie rock band. They can be bad, in fact, it’s better if the music your band makes is completely horrible. That way, you can say that no one understands your style and that one day you will be looked back upon as a musical visionary who was ahead of their time. It also makes it easier to keep the band going since practicing isn’t really necessary.
In closing let me just say that music is better than ever. In this Prog-Rock, Neo-Alternative, Classic-Retro-Post-Modern-Rockology age there’s really no limit to the possibilities of how much shitty music people can latch onto as the next big thing.
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Tags: bob woolsey, indie band, jimi hendrix, johnny cash, kurt cobain, music
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15 Responses to “Good Music: Let Me Tell You What!”
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Scott Says:
July 13th, 2008 at 2:51 pmSarcasm?
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bob Says:
July 13th, 2008 at 4:54 pmA mild amount. I was having a rough night.
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Scott Says:
July 13th, 2008 at 10:51 pmNothing wrong with that. You hit the nail on the head when it comes to music snobs, but for as bad as they are, they have nothing on movie snobs. Or “film” snobs as I’m assuming they’d rather be called.
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andrew Says:
July 14th, 2008 at 12:32 amRolling Stone is pop, has been for years. If you want snobbery, get Spin or read Pitchfork.
I like lots of music. I don’t dislike any artists because if something sounds bad I don’t pay any attention to it.
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bob Says:
July 14th, 2008 at 11:50 amAnd we have our first music snob comment! Thanks Andrew.
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andrew Says:
July 14th, 2008 at 3:14 pmAndrew no comprehend.
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bob Says:
July 14th, 2008 at 3:20 pmAndrew, I don’t mean to be rude by telling you this, but you are a music snob.
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andrew Says:
July 14th, 2008 at 3:32 pmI’m pretty open minded about music. I like lots of junk.
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bob Says:
July 14th, 2008 at 4:02 pmYeah well, nothing’s ever going to be as good as Johnny Cash’s Live at Folsom Prison album.
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andrew Says:
July 14th, 2008 at 4:16 pmMC5 have a pretty good live album
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Steve Says:
July 14th, 2008 at 5:14 pmIs there something musical in the air right now? Because I swear that I was planning on making my next blog about music as well.
I also never much cared for Johnny Cash. Some of his stuff was okay, but I find most people tend to call him a god now that he’s dead and they can convienently forget about the recordings of his later years where his voice had gone to shit and he was mostly just coving other people’s stuff anyway. Wow, I just sounded like Steve Blouin there.
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bob Says:
July 14th, 2008 at 5:33 pmIsn’t that why a lot of people regard him as god? Because of those later recordings? I mean, he went out on some of the most successful albums of his career. Also, he always recorded other people’s material, he just usually made it a hit before the original artist could.
Wow, I just sounded like Andrew Menzies there. -
andrew Says:
July 14th, 2008 at 6:27 pmThis conversation is like try to put boots on a donkey.
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bob Says:
July 14th, 2008 at 10:08 pmYour grammar is like try to make sense of this sentence.
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Nick Says:
July 15th, 2008 at 2:55 pmI wish to learn the secret ways of the wise music snob…. oh no wait, that was the secret ways of the wise ninja…. right, ninja…