How to be a Ninja in Everyday Life
Posted on July 5th, 2008
As we all know, Ninja-ism is a way of life. Not just some guy in a black suit lurking in the shadows – that’s a child molester. Ninjas are elite warriors who have been trained from childhood in the intricacies of a centuries-old martial art that utilizes stealth, physical prowess and honor. But it’s not just the Ninja’s ability to perpetrate an assassination that makes them cool. No, Ninjas have a lot more we can learn from them. In fact, a lot of the Ninja teachings and Ninja philosophy have everyday applicability.
Since the first Ninja, Prince Yamato of Japan, people have continually been in awe of the Ninja’s sweet ass ability to lay the smack down. You just don’t mess with a Ninja. They don’t take shit from anyone and they do WHAT they want, WHEN they want. What could be more cool? We’ve all been in those social situations where skills in sabotage, espionage, scouting and hand to hand combat would come in handy. It’s in these very situations that we should look to the tradition of the Ninja to guide us.
The Ninja’s main weapon is stealth.
This is applicable to many everyday situations. For our younger readers, when your request to go to that party so you can try and nail that chick that’s really not that great looking, but that will give you that all important inside track on your buddies so you have to sneak out of the house – borrow from the Ninja. Exit your house under the cover of night without being heard. You’re going to want to look into buying a black wardrobe that’s not only completely absorbent of all light but also stylish so you can wear it to your party. You’re also going to want to invest in some of those Ninja blow darts that will incapacitate your parents should they discover your Ninja plot like a pair of evil Samurai attempting to thwart you.
The Ninja’s next line of defense is cunning.
Being a cunning person is just a good way to operate on any day of the week. Your cunning can be the difference between having to own up to pretty much any mistake you make in life. When asked ‘did you f@#% this up?’ A cunning person will always answer ‘No.’ Your cunning can be the difference between you getting that promotion at work when your boss asks ‘Who did that great report, was it you or Susan?’ The cunning person will answer, ‘Me sir, me!’ And thus land said promotion. Your cunning can be the difference between having to go through with that blind date when you get to her door and find out she’s not exactly a ‘looker’. When she asks, ‘Hi, Craig?’ a cunning person will reply, ‘Criag died, I’ve been sent with the news. Sorry.’ And leave.
Another great way to incorporate Ninja teachings into your daily life is to take up Karate.
Ninja’s are prepared to defend themselves at all times. So should you be. You never know when you’re going to shoot your mouth off and write cheques your body can’t cash. Ninja’s don’t use cheques. They keep their money in cash so they can stay off the grid. Also, they’re ancient warriors so they don’t do so well with modern inventions such as bank machines and interac. But that’s neither here nor there, my point is this: You need to be able to chuck some fists from time to time. Look at Karate Kid. When he became bullied by that blonder, better looking asshole, that old dude showed him how to throw-down old school. Problem solved. You should be just like that kid (what ever happened to him anyway?). When that guy budges in front of you at the theater, launch into the crane stance, tell him that he has no defense and brutally embarrass him in front of the other patrons. After all, this is pretty much the everyday 21st century equivalent to assassination – the Ninja’s most sought after of services.
And so, with these varied and ancient techniques at your disposal you should never be left behind in any part of life. Whether it be at the workplace, at home, out on the town or what have you, Ninja wisdom is invaluable. So remember, when your feudal lord is being threatened by the local daimyo and the village has no one to protect them, stand up and do what you have been destined to do – Assassinate that SOB. Or, as we covered, in a more updated society, beat him down in front of a crowd while yelling disparaging remarks.
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Tags: All Blogs, bob woolsey, karate kid, ninja, pat morita, stealth, yamato
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2 Responses to “How to be a Ninja in Everyday Life”
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Andrew Says:
July 5th, 2008 at 10:13 pmI made the mistake of Googling nin jism. Not pretty.
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bob Says:
July 5th, 2008 at 10:53 pmYou’ve always wanted to google that, now you just had an excuse. A thin one, but an excuse nonetheless.