Postcards from the Altar

Posted on September 19th, 2008

As some of you may or may not know, I spent last week in the beautiful Okanangan. The township of Vernon to be exact. While there I emceed a wedding and tried out kayaking for the first time (6.5 out of 10; I’d rather have a boat with a motor). How, you may ask, did I get to be the master of any part of a wedding? Well the answer is simple: I’m a man among men. See my earlier blog entry here. Also, I know a thing or two about life. Hence the fact that you are here now reading my words.

But just as I said at the wedding last week, enough about me, lets talk about the bride and groom.

The happy couple was none other than my cousin Ryan Zaworski and his lovely wife Holly Zaworski (used to be Bigsby up until last weekend). They dated for a while, broke up, dated other people, got back together and eventually got engaged. It’s a proper love story if ever there was one with a frustrated young Holly sending Ryan Alanis Morrisette’s Head Over Feet one fateful night when she was fed up with how things in their relationship were going. Well, cut to years later and they’re dancing to the same song on their wedding day. It’s all very mushy and lovey, I know, but bear with me. This is where I school you all on the secrets of love, happiness and that ever elusive 50th wedding anniversary.

“But Bob,” you’re saying, “How do I, a lowly average Joe not only land the one I love, but also keep them for years and years?” Fear not my love-sick friend. I have the answers you seek.

Despite the fact that there were 71,783 divorces in Canada in 2001 and that a staggering 37.7% marriages will end in divorce before they reach the 30 year anniversary mark and only a couple years back the divorce rate in some provinces was nearly 50% and the fact that some people actually seem to think that some people (white people at least) even LIKE divorce, I remain confident in the institution of marriage. Call me a cock-eyed optimist, but that’s just how I feel. Perhaps it’s because my parents are still together. Maybe it’s the fact that only a couple of my many aunts and uncles have gone through divorces. Or maybe it’s just because I want to feel that way. Who knows?

One thing I will say is that the above statistics prove a very important thing about marriage success: Marriages that stay together are far more successful than marriages that do not. All you have to do is look at the numbers. My Mum and Dad, together 27+ years, did not break up. My Grandmother and Grandfather, together some 54 years this October – still together. Brittany and K-Fed not together. Hence, an unsuccessful marriage. It’s not rocket science people. When you marry someone, make sure you can spend a lot of time with them. We’re talking like 60 – 70 years. AND, that commitment is only going to get longer with the advances in modern medicine. So be prepared.

However, I will say that the pros to marriage (even a barely functioning one) far outweigh the cons. Let’s look:

1) You always have someone to come home to.
2) You always have someone to cuddle with late at night.
3) You always have someone on your side.
4) You always have someone that knows who you are (if you make it past the all important 4th anniversary when divorce odds start to decline).
5) You always have someone to love and who loves you.

On second thought – just get a dog and you’ll be just fine.

In all honesty though, I’d like to say congratulations to my cousin Ryan and the newest official addition to our family, Holly. It was a great wedding and I was honored to be a part of it. All the best to you and everyone who has decided to spend the rest of their life with the one they love.

Tags: Anniversary, bob woolsey, Holly Zaworski, Love, Ryan Zaworski, Wedding
Filed under All Blogs, Bob's Blog |

7 Responses to “Postcards from the Altar”

1. Meghan Says:
   September 19th, 2008 at 9:40 pm

   I’m reconsidering my earlier statements about dogs. At least a dog won’t divorce you, take all your money, and raise your kids with a new wife who has breasts younger than the milk in your fridge.

2. Scott Says:
   September 20th, 2008 at 12:55 am

   I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Andrew, but he didn’t feel the same way. Shame.

3. andrew Says:
   September 20th, 2008 at 12:42 pm

   Until you actively participate in the weekend gang bangs, I can’t settle down with you, Scott.

4. Scott Says:
   September 20th, 2008 at 7:21 pm

   It’s tough when I live 6 hours away. You could at least have the common courtesy to meet me half way.

5. Bob's Brother Says:
   September 22nd, 2008 at 1:39 pm

   I dont know if I quite agree with #3 on that list bro. Just because you are married/dating doesnt mean that your significant other will always back you up. In my experience, its almost always been the opposite. Having said, a wise movie once told me (I can’t remember which one) that you should like someone for their positive qualities and love them for their faults.

6. bob Says:
   September 22nd, 2008 at 1:44 pm

   That’s rhetorical nonsense.

   Your significant other may disagree with you often, but they will/should stand by you when it counts. I would hope. Otherwise – divorce/murder may occur.

7. Nick Says:
   September 22nd, 2008 at 4:23 pm

   that blog was beautiful and heartwarming. 12 pts for Bob.

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