Andrew as Leader 2: Squash the Uprising

Posted on November 18th, 2008

Last week I outlined my plan to unite North America into a single nation, whimsically dubbed “Canmerico”.

I promised to legalize gay marriage, disband the navy, and publicly beat up Fred Phelps. Reactions were mixed.

Some argued that my strategies for gaining control of the government were in direct conflict to the freedom I wished to grant. Those people are jerks and should be ashamed of themselves.

Like any good dictator, I am back with a second wave. Below are further plans to maximize democracy and show the rest of the world how to rock the shit.

So I present to you, further plans for my ascension to power.

Naked Foreign Policy

Let’s face it: The United States foreign policy does not work. Therefor Canmerico will have no foreign policy. There will be no ambassadors, embassies or consulates.

Foreign citizens are welcome to visit and live in Canmerico just as long as they pick up their own trash and abstain from mating with locals.

No Day Care

Instead of private or state-mandated daycare, every child not under direct care of either their mother or father will be required to roam the streets. It will build character and create stronger, faster, smarter children.

Children may form gangs and commit petty criminal activities such as theft under $5000, break and enters, and sodomy.

There will be, however, zero tolerance for child on child murder.

No Religion But Bad Religion

An in-depth census will be taken when I assume control of Canmerico. All citizens who claim they visit any type of church on a regular basis will be issued one of the first five Bad Religion albums. They will be required to write a 500 word essay about what they feel after listening. Those who do not complete the essay or fail to double space will be sold into the Cambodian sex trade.

Churches will be illegal. Those which are not burned down will be converted into shelter for the homeless.

George W Bush Will be Hanged

He’s a war criminal. That’s what we do with war criminals.

Ponytails On Men Are Illegal

Men may have long hair but are forbidden from tying it into a ponytail.

Mullets will no longer exist in Canmerico and any mention thereof will be punished by public flogging.

The fate of the soul patch will be put before the public in a referendum.

Final Thoughts

1. Regis Philbin will have a seat in congress.

2. The national anthem will be the solo from “Eruption“.

3. Children will be left behind.

4. Every second Tuesday will be Pie Day.

5. All rivers will be damned.

6. Capes will be mandatory for vigilantes and the elderly.

7. Dogs are able to vote.

8. People will scars on their face will be given a government stipend of $300.

9. Pooping in the forest is encouraged.

10. George W. Bush WILL be hanged.

I would be a good Leader for Canmerico.

And so that is it. I will accomplish all of these goals and possibly more in my first fifty year term as Leader.

Related posts:

1. Andrew as Leader

Tags: andrew menzies, bad religion, boobs, bush, canada, canmerico, cheney, coup, day care, facism, forceable action takent against dissenters, foreign police, hanged, hitler, kyoto accord, marx, mexico, NAFTA, nato, NORAD, politco, ponytail, rove, sputnik, stalin, steven segal, unite North America, USA, war crimes, war criminal
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3 Responses to “Andrew as Leader 2: Squash the Uprising”

1. bob Says:
   November 18th, 2008 at 6:11 pm

   Long live Canmerico!

2. Scott Says:
   November 18th, 2008 at 7:00 pm

   All hail comrade Menzies!

3. Nick Says:
   November 19th, 2008 at 11:40 am

   Is this your official campaign? Very impressive! It was the ban of the manly ponytails that got me on board…

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