I have made a huge mistake

Posted on February 5th, 2009

The last half of 2008 was a tumultuous time for me. I changed as a person, that’s for sure.

And when I look back on it, I think of what a mistake I made. I’ve had a hard time forgiving myself and am just now able to look in the mirror and not be disgusted with what I see.

But today, through the power of words, I am here to make amends. To talk through my emotional strife, in an attempt to perhaps find comfort, solace, an understanding. Hopefully my tale of woe can serve as warning to you, the reader. This may not be the appropriate forum for the trail of emotions I’m about to spill, but since I own 39% of this website, I feel I have a right to my caustic flow. I hope my troubles can serve a cautionary tale.

And we begin.

I should have never sold my X-Box.

Hi Nico. I miss you, man.

I miss your caustic Bulgarian wit. I miss doing backflips on a PCJ over the river. I miss taking you through Middle Park and pushing joggers. I miss Roman’s phone calls for 3:00 AM bowling adventures. I miss the rocket launcher. I miss the Vigilante missions. I miss shooting pigeons. I miss your little Russian hat and how it would fall off when you got clipped by a car at Star Junction. I miss buying you boots.

God damn I miss Grand Theft Auto. God damn I miss it so much.

I blogged several times about my trials and tribulations with Grand Theft Auto IV. And now, I can honestly say, as I lay naked on the floor of my bathroom, computer lit only with a small oil lamp and hands clasped around my knees in the fetal position, I was completely wrong.

Look, Bob and I do a lot of drugs. We’re big time sketch comedy writers and we get a lot of play. Ladies, older ladies, dudes… life is our proverbial fishbowl and we try to put our hand in it as often as possible. Cocaine can only sustain you for so long before you crash after a three day binge and find yourself shoeless and with someone else’s blood on your cardigan. And before I got into the white thunder, I had my X-Box. It was my soma. My comfort, my electronic soother.

And I sucked the crap out of it!

What am I left with?  Yeah, the cocaine, but that’s beside the point. I really do miss galloping through the imaginary Liberty City, where I’m but a meager Bulgarian just trying to fight for his meals. In the videogame, I’m not a broke, lonely, cocaine-addicted writer, no. There is no judgement in the world of Grand Theft Auto. Racism, drug use, homophobia, conspiracy, driver-by shootings, rape, incest, treason, violence against women, terrorism, yes.  But judgement? No sir.

I’d like to offer you, the reader, some advice. First, “Carpe Diem”. That’s Latin for “seize the diem”. Live every day like it’s your last.  Second, don’t get caught up with the little things. Relationships, conversations with co-workers, cake baking… all of this is a colossal fucking waste of time. Bypass the bull and go straight to what you love to do. If it’s basketball, go shoot some hoops. If it’s baseball, go shoot some hoops. Do what makes you happy.

I had a third point prepared, but I think I’m going to run a cold bath and cry some more.

Good night, sweet prince. May your dreams carry you into heaven like the wings of a dove.

Tags: cocaine, dumped, GTA IV, huge mistake
Filed under All Blogs, Andrew's Blog |

2 Responses to “I have made a huge mistake”

1. bob Says:
   February 5th, 2009 at 2:50 pm

   I shed tears for you over this blog.

2. Scott Says:
   February 5th, 2009 at 6:37 pm

   I told you multiple times that it was a mistake to sell your 360, but you didn’t fucking listen. This is your own god damn fault, Menzies.

   Love,
   The Guy Who Isn’t A Jackass

   p.s. you suck

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