Pigeon Technology III: Pigeons Fight Back
The pigeons have risen. And they’re out for meat.
Human meat.
In Pigeon Technology I, I chronicled how basic “Pigeon Technology” was hampering the lives of various hobosapiens in my neighbourhood.
Due to unyielding political strife/public outcry for justice, Pigeon Technology II was birthed. I will admit the second chapter was written hastily and filled with grievous factual errors, but its heart was in the right spot.
But forget all of that shit. We’ve got bigger problems than the moderate set-up for a vaguely comedic Internet blog.
The pigeons are fighting back!
Tags: bob & andrew bucks, culling, pigeon technology
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WEB LOG
This is truth: until sixteen days ago, I had no idea that the word “blog” was derived from the term “web log”.
This revelation threw me. I’m usually pretty tight with words and shit. I got straight B’s in high school English; obviously above average, but not too big for my britches.
Had I gotten all A’s I would be filled with too much confidence to even explore my grammatical shortcomings. (Of which, believe me, there are many.)
When I think of words that are fucking kick ass, I tend to think of things, as opposed to ideas. Democracy is a pretty good idea, but as a word? Lame.
Some words have a particular ring to them that’s just appealing, even if the object, idea or place they describe or represent is wholly disgusting. Examples: falcon, snot, microwave.
I could go on but I’d rather share these drawings I made.
Tags: All Blogs, animals, fire, horse, Jesus, ms paint, rabbit, turtle, web log
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Raincity 72 Hour Noir Film Contest
Last weekend Bob and Andrew were approached by their good friend Darren Borrowman to write a short film for him. Little did they know that they would have little over 4 hours to do it. As part of the Raincity 72 Hour Noir Film Contest, Bob and Andrew penned the script for “Pier Pressure” which was directed by Mr Borrowman. It’s a comedy noir along the lines of “Naked Gun.” Starring website regulars Lauren Martin, Stephen LeBail and Jamie Slade along with one of Darren’s friend’s Tom Belding (who is amazing in the film) and featuring a fantastic score by the lovely and talented Red, Pier Pressure is sure to finish among the top films in the contest.
You can attend the screening Saturday, March 21st, 11:30am at the Rio Theatre near Commercial and Broadway in Vancouver. Tickets are 10 dollars.
Tags: 72 hour, andrew menzies, bob woolsey, competition, darren borrowman, film noir, Jamie Slade, lauren martin, naked gun, pier pressure, rachel watson, raincity, red, short film, stephen lebail, tom belding
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Star Trek: The Facts… Without Any of That Geek Bullshit
There’s a new Star Trek movie coming out in May. A JJ Abrams relaunching of the classic franchise that I assume will be shit. But that’s a blog for another day. Today I would like to inform you of the ins and outs of a proud tradition of story telling we call, Star Trek.
Those of you that know me know that I am a long time Star Trek fan. I’ve been called a Trekker. I grew up with Captain Picard and Captain Kirk. In many ways they shaped the man I am today. Proud, noble, forever ripping my shirts fighting alien bad guys.
I grew up during something of a golden age of Star Trek. A time when it was so popular that it was almost accepted to be a fan of it. Almost. Sure, I’ve been made fun of over the years for my passionate following of this cult sci-fi show. I’ve been ridiculed for yelling “Phasers on stun!” at random and in public. But all the while I’ve maintained that I am not a Star Trek geek. I am a Star Trek fan. There is a difference. Those differences may be subtle, but they exist.
In an effort to clear up a few misconceptions surrounding Star Trek and its fans, please allow me to give run-down of some facts.
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Man-Up March: Man up, in March!
Oh you better believe this is an Argh blog; full of piss and vinegar and cigarette butts and motherfucking head stomps. Argh! ARGHHHH!
Man-Up March is in full effect. What? You don’t know what Man-Up March is? Well, then you’re probably not doing it right.
MAN UP; (mahn uhp); verb: To hiken one’s bootstraps; to become a man.
MARCH; (mah-rach); noun: The third lunar month.
Use your headspace to combine those two shitbricks.
Tags: be a man, complicated charts, hulk hogan, man up, Man-Up March, motherfuckers
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Las Vegas: What They Don’t Want You To Know
Avid followers of this page will know that I recently took a trip to Las Vegas. Avid followers of my life will know that I am dirt broke. Hard to believe, I know. My image is the very model of wealth and class. However, I am indeed broke. This trip was funded by none other than Mr. Bob Woolsey Sr. and Mrs. Carol Woolsey – my lovely parents. They traveled to this Mecca of slot machines and show theatres a couple of years back and loved it so much they wanted to take my brother and I with them for the second go-round.
I have my sneaking suspicions that their true motives for taking us on this trip was their stinging feelings of guilt over never following up on their promise to take us to Disneyland when we were kids. To this day I experience a recurring dream wherein I get to meet Goofy only to have him remove his mask and reveal himself as the creepy, dirty traveling fair guy that used to stop in our little town every summer. It’s horrible.
There are a lot of things I wasn’t ready for in Las Vegas and I’d like to share them with you here. I know you probably think that a place so well documented in the movies and pop culture would be easy to prepare for. You’d be wrong and also a jerk for sand bagging me and my blog.
I will describe my experience for you. In doing so, I will outline what you need to know in order to enjoy Las Vegas to the maximum.
Tags: guide, las vegas, preparation, vacation, woolsey family
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Ciel Gout Delicieux
Directed by Nicholas Humphries
featuring:
Charlotte Chanler as Dorothy
Lauren Martin as Claire
and
Alan Sung as Boss
Tags: alan sung, andrew menzies, bob woolsey, charlotte chanler, donut, funny, lauren martin, nick humphries, plants monthly, satyrists, sketch comedy, Videos
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A Collection of Hilarious Lists
Often times I will assemble a list of objects, devices or things meant to spark thought.
I compile data and research, conduct thorough surveys, and generally use my magnificent (yet still uncertified) sleuthing skills to get to the heart of the issues I am preparing to list.
I have made lists of the best land mammals, curse worse and liquors. However those blogs are absolute bullshit compared to the knowledge I’m about to drop.
While some people (re. cocksucking, sandbagging motherfuckers) have suggested that list-centric blogs are lazy and child-like, I tend to disagree. Lists are what separate us from the animals. Man’s ability to take several similar objects, organize and rank them arbitrarily merely to create conflict is an essential and vital practice. Why, without the “Best Dressed” or “Worst Dressed” lists, we’d be nothing more than monkeys spitting and pooping about!
I am doing mankind a service. So without further to do, what lies onward is a series of hilarious lists.
Tags: andrew menzies, gta3, john cusack, lists, neutral, people who have beat andrew up, philanthropy, ranking, the beatles
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