Star Trek: The Facts… Without Any of That Geek Bullshit
Posted on March 20th, 2009
There’s a new Star Trek movie coming out in May. A JJ Abrams relaunching of the classic franchise that I assume will be shit. But that’s a blog for another day. Today I would like to inform you of the ins and outs of a proud tradition of story telling we call, Star Trek.
Those of you that know me know that I am a long time Star Trek fan. I’ve been called a Trekker. I grew up with Captain Picard and Captain Kirk. In many ways they shaped the man I am today. Proud, noble, forever ripping my shirts fighting alien bad guys.
I grew up during something of a golden age of Star Trek. A time when it was so popular that it was almost accepted to be a fan of it. Almost. Sure, I’ve been made fun of over the years for my passionate following of this cult sci-fi show. I’ve been ridiculed for yelling “Phasers on stun!” at random and in public. But all the while I’ve maintained that I am not a Star Trek geek. I am a Star Trek fan. There is a difference. Those differences may be subtle, but they exist.
In an effort to clear up a few misconceptions surrounding Star Trek and its fans, please allow me to give run-down of some facts.
Fact Number 1
Star Trek is not just a show for gay people.
While a lot of gay people enjoy Star Trek, myself included, it is not exclusively aimed at a gay audience. I could see how some might jump to this conclusion what with Star Trek depicting a future without hate or bigotry. We all know from high school that if someone or something doesn’t openly disparage homosexuals they are automatically one of them, but Star Trek is a rare exception to that.
Fact Number 2
You can enjoy Star Trek and NOT live in your mother’s basement.
It’s crazy, I know but you don’t actually have to live at home as a 40 year old to enjoy this wonderful show. In fact, I would even go so far as to say that Star Trek is enjoyable to almost any age. I mean, of course like a one year old isn’t going to get it, but one-year-olds are idiots anyway. I think a six-year-old might enjoy it though. Of course at the six-year-old level you should be living at home. And you’ll probably have a hard time reading this. If you are a six-year-old and reading this blog who is interested in watching Star Trek, talk to your Mommy or Daddy and get them to sort it out. But trust me, you’ll like it. It’s… dope? Are you six-year-olds saying dope these days?
Fact Number 3
You do not need to speak fluent Klingon to understand Star Trek.
In actual fact, most every episode of Star Trek is in English. Unless you’re watching it in Japan or something. They dub it in Japanese there so they can understand it too. All in all the whole Klingon language phenomenon was invented as a bit of fun. I myself don’t see the benefit in learning a fictional language but then again I still break out the Pig Latin from time to time, so… potato, potato. Actually that expression doesn’t work in writing.
Fact Number 4
If you watch Star Trek your girlfriend will not leave you.
That is if you even have a girlfriend to begin with. But contrary to popular belief, many Star Trek fans do have girlfriends (or boyfriends or whatever, as covered above). A prime example of this is Spike TV’s programming of Star Trek. Spike is billed as a man’s man kind of channel and they show Star Trek like 4 times a day. Not all Spike viewers can be single… can they? It would make sense for single people to be watching TV a lot. No, I’m pretty sure not all of those people can be single. So yeah, what was I saying?
Fact Number 5
Star Trek will make you smarter.
I have found throughout my life that I have become smarter from watching Star Trek. Well at least I appear smarter. Star Trek shows use a lot of big words and make a lot of literary references. In fact it’s a very educational programme. It’s like some kind of grown up Sesame Street. When I watch the show I pick up these big words and references to literature and actually find myself able to hold conversations with people who are way smarter than me at parties. It’s true. You should comply with this recommendation and endeavor to incorporate this technique into your customary social gathering repertoire (huh? huh? impressed?).
The fact is that Star Trek is good story telling. In fact, between Star Trek and Seinfeld I can pretty much make sense out of any event that occurs in my life. If I encounter racism I simply think of the episode where the crew of the Enterprise found that species of people who were half black on one side of their face and half white on the other. Then I remember that we are all just people and I carry on with my day. Or if I’m ever in a situation where I become famous or win the lottery or gain any kind of superiority over my friends and colleagues I’ll simply have to think of the episode where Commander Riker was given omnipotent powers by the alien Q and became a jerk and I’ll know that I should not do that. Or if I ever find myself under attack by a vicious computer I’ll know that all I have to do is trick with some kind of logic problem that it can’t understand.
So you see Star Trek is much more than its been made out to be over the years. It will not make you gay and it will not make your girlfriend leave you. You will be happier with it in your life and you will learn lessons about yourself and the rest of humanity. All while watching a group of people adventure through the galaxy shooting at aliens and having sex with aliens and teaching aliens lessons about how to be more like the United States.
The new Star Trek movie, directed by JJ Abrams, opens on May 8th.
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6 Responses to “Star Trek: The Facts… Without Any of That Geek Bullshit”
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Meghan Says:
March 20th, 2009 at 6:11 pmI, having seen less than 5 full episodes of any Star Trek series in my entire life, will be first in line to see the new Star Trek film. Why? Because I’ve become addicted to seeing movies in theatres. I’ll watch anything if I have to pay 10 bucks first.
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Phoenix Says:
March 20th, 2009 at 6:33 pmFact Number 6
You don’t have to be a guy to be a Star Trek fan, gay or otherwise.
You missed that one. My daughter and I bonded over Star Trek. Ah, those were the days.
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bob Says:
March 20th, 2009 at 7:05 pmDamn, I meant to include that in my fact number 5!
I see an amendment coming.
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husbard Says:
March 23rd, 2009 at 7:15 pmwhat is star trek and where do i buy this star trek?
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CMoftheU Says:
May 13th, 2010 at 9:14 pmI totally agree that Star Trek makes you smarter. I’m only 13 and have seen every episode from every series. I have also seen every star trek related movie. But the point is, before I watched Star Trek, I was failing english class. Now I have a 94.3 overall grade. Thank you Stat Trek.
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bob Says:
May 20th, 2010 at 9:31 amYeah, I won a lot of arguments growing up, only because I dropped big words I learned watching Star Trek. Thank you, Star Trek!