Terry Joseph Wharburton: 1951-2009
Bob and Andrew are sad to announce the death of longtime producer and friend, Terry Joseph Wharburton.
Terry was many things to many people. He was a father, a lover, a husband, a defendant, and an old man. Terry had a passion for finishing, biplaning, Italian fusion cooking as well as mixed martial arts, women and the drink. He will be missed by many, revered by few.
Click below to hear Bob and Andrew’s thoughts and memories of their long-time podcast producer and cocaine dealer.
We apologize about the quality of the recording, as we were without a producer.
After the jump, there’s an unfinished interview Andrew was conducing with Terry upon the time of his death.
Tags: biplane, death, Terry Joseph Wharburton
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Pigeon Technology III: Pigeons Fight Back
The pigeons have risen. And they’re out for meat.
Human meat.
In Pigeon Technology I, I chronicled how basic “Pigeon Technology” was hampering the lives of various hobosapiens in my neighbourhood.
Due to unyielding political strife/public outcry for justice, Pigeon Technology II was birthed. I will admit the second chapter was written hastily and filled with grievous factual errors, but its heart was in the right spot.
But forget all of that shit. We’ve got bigger problems than the moderate set-up for a vaguely comedic Internet blog.
The pigeons are fighting back!
Tags: bob & andrew bucks, culling, pigeon technology
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WEB LOG
This is truth: until sixteen days ago, I had no idea that the word “blog” was derived from the term “web log”.
This revelation threw me. I’m usually pretty tight with words and shit. I got straight B’s in high school English; obviously above average, but not too big for my britches.
Had I gotten all A’s I would be filled with too much confidence to even explore my grammatical shortcomings. (Of which, believe me, there are many.)
When I think of words that are fucking kick ass, I tend to think of things, as opposed to ideas. Democracy is a pretty good idea, but as a word? Lame.
Some words have a particular ring to them that’s just appealing, even if the object, idea or place they describe or represent is wholly disgusting. Examples: falcon, snot, microwave.
I could go on but I’d rather share these drawings I made.
Tags: All Blogs, animals, fire, horse, Jesus, ms paint, rabbit, turtle, web log
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Man-Up March: Man up, in March!
Oh you better believe this is an Argh blog; full of piss and vinegar and cigarette butts and motherfucking head stomps. Argh! ARGHHHH!
Man-Up March is in full effect. What? You don’t know what Man-Up March is? Well, then you’re probably not doing it right.
MAN UP; (mahn uhp); verb: To hiken one’s bootstraps; to become a man.
MARCH; (mah-rach); noun: The third lunar month.
Use your headspace to combine those two shitbricks.
Tags: be a man, complicated charts, hulk hogan, man up, Man-Up March, motherfuckers
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A Collection of Hilarious Lists
Often times I will assemble a list of objects, devices or things meant to spark thought.
I compile data and research, conduct thorough surveys, and generally use my magnificent (yet still uncertified) sleuthing skills to get to the heart of the issues I am preparing to list.
I have made lists of the best land mammals, curse worse and liquors. However those blogs are absolute bullshit compared to the knowledge I’m about to drop.
While some people (re. cocksucking, sandbagging motherfuckers) have suggested that list-centric blogs are lazy and child-like, I tend to disagree. Lists are what separate us from the animals. Man’s ability to take several similar objects, organize and rank them arbitrarily merely to create conflict is an essential and vital practice. Why, without the “Best Dressed” or “Worst Dressed” lists, we’d be nothing more than monkeys spitting and pooping about!
I am doing mankind a service. So without further to do, what lies onward is a series of hilarious lists.
Tags: andrew menzies, gta3, john cusack, lists, neutral, people who have beat andrew up, philanthropy, ranking, the beatles
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My Death List
Some months ago, Bob and I pondered death and death lists in the acclaimed Internet sketch, Kick in the Head .
While death is terrible, making and seeking out a death list is not. I hope the "YEAH" banner satisfies you.
Here is my death list.
1. Build a boat.
2. Bake a comically large pizza.
3. Be in a position to donate to charity.
4. Do cocaine with Pat O’Brien. Preferably off of Mary Hart.
Tags: death list, diablo cody, kick in the head, revenge
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Marriage: Thank You, NO.
Ah, marriage. The splendid union between a man and a woman, a woman and a woman, or a man and a man. The most happiest day of two peoples’ lives celebrated with kith and kin, not soon to be forgotten in the hallmarks of the times.
Marriage is stupid.
Let’s look at the facts: 50% of marriages end in divorce. I didn’t research this statistic nor do I care to, but it seems more than reasonable. If going in to something that has a 50/50 chance of failure, what’s the point? I feel the same way about checkers as I do about marriage.
Second point: marriage is stupid. If you love someone, why do you need to throw a giant party and buy a couple of shiny rocks to prove it? Invest in mutual funds and take a trip some place warm. That’s how you celebrate love. Or buy a boat and name it after your significant lover.
“The S.S. Bob Woolsey sank today. All 375 on board perished in the icy waters of the Adriatic Sea. Human error is to blame.”
Tags: andrew menzies, argh, beatles, breathing, divorce, marriage, puppys, Scooter Browne, Shakespeare, Wedding
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The Best Land Mammals
The Animal Kingdom is the most dangerous kingdom.
In the Animal Kingdom, there is no rule of law. There is no schools, is no churches, is no grocery stores. You gotta fight to survive.
Every animal for herself.
I am here today to count down the top three land animals based on a detailed flow-chart of various factors. However, the flow-chart was damaged in transport therefor I cannot show it to you. You’ll just have to take my word that it was an intricate and complex flow-chart that would have illustrated my points quickly and concisely.
Now, some of you might say ranking the best land mammals is a fruitless and trite waste of time. I have no immediate defense for such accusations. Seriously, why you gotta go breaking my balls like that?
Tags: andrew, antelope, grizzly bear, hamster, human, marmot, neutral, squirrel, wolverine
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Birthday Happy, Andrew
I don’t mean to toot my own horn but since no one else seems to want to, I’m left to celebrate my birthday via blogging.
Today I am twenty-four years old. Older than Super Nintendo, younger than the World Trade Towers.
I’ve got more years on me than Mickey Rourke’s chin, but less than Cher’s tits.
Twenty-four years. Woopity doo.
I burst through the vagina at exactly 4:44 PM, February 16th, 1985 (consult your Almanacs). I was greasy and irey: thespians will recognize this as foreshadowing. A welcomed changed from months in the womb, I was a stand-out example of what a baby should be. What a baby can be.
Did you bring a coat? Good, cause I’m about to take you on a journey.
Tags: 1985, 24, 9/11, andrew menzies, biggie smalls, birthday, bob woolsey, cher's tits, Neil Young, tupac, vaginal birthing
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No Computer
Tags: anarchy, internet, no computer
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I have made a huge mistake
The last half of 2008 was a tumultuous time for me. I changed as a person, that’s for sure.
And when I look back on it, I think of what a mistake I made. I’ve had a hard time forgiving myself and am just now able to look in the mirror and not be disgusted with what I see.
But today, through the power of words, I am here to make amends. To talk through my emotional strife, in an attempt to perhaps find comfort, solace, an understanding. Hopefully my tale of woe can serve as warning to you, the reader. This may not be the appropriate forum for the trail of emotions I’m about to spill, but since I own 39% of this website, I feel I have a right to my caustic flow. I hope my troubles can serve a cautionary tale.
And we begin.
Tags: cocaine, dumped, GTA IV, huge mistake
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A Tribute to Bush: Part One
Enough time has passed to allow the collective conscious to breath a sign of relief, to exhale on what has been a tumultuous eight years under the reign of the American leader who brought us into the twenty-first century: George Walker Bush.
President. Hawk. Boot-stomper.
Bush was many things: A thief. A liar. A war criminal. But apart from sending young men and women into the desert to die on a God damn lie, Bush accomplished many, many great things that will stay with the world until time stops.
Today, we take a look back at the legacy George W. Bush.
Tags: 9/11, Barack Obama, economy, George Bush, iraq, show throwing
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Terry Joseph Wharburton: A Christmas Interview
We here at bobandandrew.com are decidedly pro-Christmas. We love Christmas so much we devoted an entire week of content to the holiday (instead of one measly little day like the Christians do).
However, not everyone loves Christmas.
Terry Joseph Wharburton, producer for the weekly podcast hammer “The Bob & Andrew Show”, recently blogged about Christmas. While nothing remotely interesting was said, Bob and I were both intrigued by Terry’s under-laying disdain for the holiday.
I sat down with Terry to get his true feelings on the Christmas season.
Tags: anti-Christmas, bar fight, Calgary, contrarian, Ringers, Terry Joseph Wharburton
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How To Lie To People
A small disclaimer, before I begin: I am not a bad person. Well, maybe, I don’t know. People seem to like me. I would consider myself affable. If there’s a heaven, I have a solid case to get in. Might have to bribe St. Peter, but there’s no gun smuggling or assault and batteries on my record so I should be okay. I don’t give to charity or anything.
I figure I lie about thirty times a day. It’s mostly small stuff, things I could easily tell the truth about but choose not to.
Sometimes people will ask me how I’m doing. I always answer “fine” even though I never am. The idea that one can be “fine” is abstract to me at best. If every problem in my life suddenly solves itself and I’m left with a short window of happiness, yeah, maybe then I’m fine. But I assume that window so distant and brief that I probably won’t recognize it, let alone be given the opportunity to answer that question, for the first time, truthfully. But that’s neither here nor there.
Tags: Buchenwald, honesty, liars, lie
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Do these things with my corpse when I die.
I’m gonna die. Probably not today or tomorrow. I mean, you never know. I could die accidentally.
Falling brick. Murdered. Sheep-attack. That kind of thing.
But that’s glass half-empty death-talk.
However as a twenty three year old male with a family history of alcoholism and heart problems, I think it’s safe to say I’m going to die within the next sixty years.
And damn it, I want to be prepared.
Tags: corpse, death, dying, heroin
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My Favorite Curse Words
I like to curse. I consider swear words the pepper to the potatoes of the English language.
(Adjectives are salt. Conjectures, the paprika.)
There are no “bad words”. Intentions can be bad, but to say a word is “bad” is just trite and childish.
Some say cursing is a sign of a lack of intelligence. The notion being, if one is too daft to think of something better to say, he will revert to the fowl. I can see the merit to this argument however there is something to be said about a well placed swearword. There’s a psychological reason we use these words, whatever context. And that reason is not something I’m qualified to give nor am interested in exploring that shit.
And now, onto the God damn cursing.
Tags: bad words, curse words, language, yeah
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2009: A Harder Look Ahead
There is nothing finer a man can do than to rip off another man’s work so blatantly and without remorse.
Today I oblige by thieving from my cohort and often times partner in crime Bob Woolsey, whom several hours ago made bold predictions about the upcoming year of our Lord, 2009.
I was born February 16th, 1985, on the same pool table in Newark, N.J. where I was conceived. In grade four I got an award for a short story I wrote, mostly because I was the only child to submit theirs into the contest. I worked at McDonalds for two and a half years, never felt any real trauma or pain in my childhood, and graduated high school with mediocre grades and aspirations. Oh, and when I was three I fell down a flight of stairs and cut my chin on a vase. Nineteen years later I fell down a similar flight of stairs while stoned out of my mind looking for a vase to put stolen flowers in. I guess you could say my life has come full circle.
So it is with great accomplishments already behind me that I look forward to 2009 and the challenge of going farther. Further? Farther? Fuck. Let’s just look ahead.
Tags: Barack Obama, bob woolsey, bourne identity, david bowie, italians, male heir, marriage, monkey, newark, vase
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Things Hip Hop Music Has Taught Me
I like hip hop. Granted I wear a belt with my pants and despise uncurved baseball hats, but I do enjoy it when an MC steps to the mic like a phantom and drops lyrics that could skin a cat.
For years I was confused about the difference between “rap” and “hip hop”.
What are the fundamental anomalies? Is there a clear line between the two? Who is Funkmaster Flex?
I suppose I could have investigated the issue, perhaps asked around. Instead, I just made up my own mind and defined the rule as it stands to me. Because really, musical taste is a tricky bitch. We all like different things; a lot of people probably hate your favorite band and the sooner you understand that the better off you’ll be. So why now make up your facts?
This is my hypothesis: Rap is money/hoes/guns. Hip hop is about the beats and the musicianship. It’s soulful and poetic.
Hip hop is also about guidance, leadership and life lessons.
Tags: beastie boys, bob woolsey, eminem, eric b and rakim, George Bush, hip hop, immortal technique, jay z, ludacris, Mos Def, public enemy, rage against the machine, rap, rehab, run DMC, talib kweli, white kids
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Andrew as Leader 2: Squash the Uprising
Last week I outlined my plan to unite North America into a single nation, whimsically dubbed “Canmerico”.
I promised to legalize gay marriage, disband the navy, and publicly beat up Fred Phelps. Reactions were mixed.
Some argued that my strategies for gaining control of the government were in direct conflict to the freedom I wished to grant. Those people are jerks and should be ashamed of themselves.
Like any good dictator, I am back with a second wave. Below are further plans to maximize democracy and show the rest of the world how to rock the shit.
Tags: andrew menzies, bad religion, boobs, bush, canada, canmerico, cheney, coup, day care, facism, forceable action takent against dissenters, foreign police, hanged, hitler, kyoto accord, marx, mexico, NAFTA, nato, NORAD, politco, ponytail, rove, sputnik, stalin, steven segal, unite North America, USA, war crimes, war criminal
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Andrew as Leader
While I am not an American citizen or even technically a Canadian citizen (off the grid, baby), I do fashion myself a politico-space monkey capable of making a decision or two.
And I’ve decided that it would be best for North America if all three countries folded into one nation, to be ruled over by a supreme power of unrelenting fear. Me.
I know the jargon. I have the swagger. I possess the gab. I can lead a nation. I will lead a nation. These nations!
So come with me, please, as I take you on a journey of the policies and practices I would implement as captain of the ship, leader of the band, Toucan of the Sam.
Tags: canada, fred phelps, gay marriage, legalization, marijuana, NAFTA, no more navy, prop 8, super-power, USA
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