Conspiracy Theories: From Bunked to Debunked
For as long as there has been man and word, there has existed a need for truth.
A thirst for knowledge.
A hunger for… also knowledge.
Today I will debunk popular conspiracy theories. While I attest to professing little to no knowledge in a variety of subjects, I will attempt to beat off my detractors (heh!) by implementing a simple scale of one to ten that will determine the likelihood of truth in each theory.
Here is the scale:
The number “six” wouldn’t fit with the size and font I chose. Also, the colours are meaningless.
NEXT STOP: CONSPIRACY????????????
Tags: 2012, 9/11, dick vs. no dick, JFK, kurt cobain, Lady Gaga, Lee Harvey Oswald, pearl harbour
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Birthday Happy, Andrew
I don’t mean to toot my own horn but since no one else seems to want to, I’m left to celebrate my birthday via blogging.
Today I am twenty-four years old. Older than Super Nintendo, younger than the World Trade Towers.
I’ve got more years on me than Mickey Rourke’s chin, but less than Cher’s tits.
Twenty-four years. Woopity doo.
I burst through the vagina at exactly 4:44 PM, February 16th, 1985 (consult your Almanacs). I was greasy and irey: thespians will recognize this as foreshadowing. A welcomed changed from months in the womb, I was a stand-out example of what a baby should be. What a baby can be.
Did you bring a coat? Good, cause I’m about to take you on a journey.
Tags: 1985, 24, 9/11, andrew menzies, biggie smalls, birthday, bob woolsey, cher's tits, Neil Young, tupac, vaginal birthing
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A Tribute to Bush: Part One
Enough time has passed to allow the collective conscious to breath a sign of relief, to exhale on what has been a tumultuous eight years under the reign of the American leader who brought us into the twenty-first century: George Walker Bush.
President. Hawk. Boot-stomper.
Bush was many things: A thief. A liar. A war criminal. But apart from sending young men and women into the desert to die on a God damn lie, Bush accomplished many, many great things that will stay with the world until time stops.
Today, we take a look back at the legacy George W. Bush.
Tags: 9/11, Barack Obama, economy, George Bush, iraq, show throwing
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Ways the World Will End
I’m not going to lie: the world is going to end*.
If not today, then tomorrow. And if not tomorrow, then sometime in the distant future.
But today, I offer a jaunting reality check for those of you too lazy to accept this planet’s fate.
*Not be based on fact, rather years of pop culture consumption and irresponsibly speculation.
(The “YEAH” banner, usually reserved for positive posts, has been implemented to soften the blow of the truth that’s about to be revealed. I promise you, loyal readers, far fewer lies next time.)
Tags: 9/11, aliens, armageddon, asteroid, dawn of the dead, death, end of the world, mccain, obama, outbreak, palin, sarah palin, terminator, virus, zombies
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Pigeon Technology
The alley behind my apartment building houses many wonders: an overflowing garbage bin that smells like Burger King, an abandoned bicycle that’s been chained to the fence since I moved in two years ago, and a covered car park infested with pigeons.
I don’t hate pigeons. I like their shape. If the mood struck, I feel I could easily grab a pigeon with one hand. Birds in general, I like. Sometimes their light chirping sounds of music; a nice accent to a walk through the park on a warm summer‘s eve. Sure they poo everywhere, and have the ability to poo on you from the clouds above, but that’s fair trade for the shape and acoustics.
I didn’t notice the pigeons in the car park until a few weeks ago. While on my way to the local convenience store, several pigeons swooped down, startled no doubt at my intrusion to their natural habitat. One merely grazed my shoulder, while a second came within inches of my face. There were others- I could see pairs of beady eyes in the darkness- but only two chose to attack. I could have fought back, but opted to run. (I didn‘t spend twenty-three years on this earth drinking and chain smoking just to lose it all to a pair of fucking birds.) Since the incident- which I have taken to calling my own personal 9/11- I’ve largely avoided the car park of hell.
Tags: 9/11, All Blogs, andrew menzies, pigeons, war
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