In our last behind the scenes look at season 2, we talk to Keith Opatovsky and Darren Borrowman about switching off as director from episode to episode. Look forward to episodes 3 and 4 of season 2, directed by Keith.

Thanks as always to Redbud Films for producing these behind the scenes docs.

In that case, fly at ‘er.

But how close are these characters the real gentleman themselves? Our intrepid behind the scenes documentarian, Jenny Wilkinson set to find out just that:

Our second behind the scenes teaser delves into some of the differences between season one and season two. Check back every week until June 6 for new BTS videos!

This first episode takes us back to when we first imagined of world where Bob and Andrew existed. Well, another more comedic world anyway.

I promised to legalize gay marriage, disband the navy, and publicly beat up Fred Phelps. Reactions were mixed.

Some argued that my strategies for gaining control of the government were in direct conflict to the freedom I wished to grant. Those people are jerks and should be ashamed of themselves.

Like any good dictator, I am back with a second wave. Below are further plans to maximize democracy and show the rest of the world how to rock the shit.

So I present to you, further plans for my ascension to power.

Naked Foreign Policy

Let’s face it: The United States foreign policy does not work. Therefor Canmerico will have no foreign policy. There will be no ambassadors, embassies or consulates.

Foreign citizens are welcome to visit and live in Canmerico just as long as they pick up their own trash and abstain from mating with locals.

No Day Care

Instead of private or state-mandated daycare, every child not under direct care of either their mother or father will be required to roam the streets. It will build character and create stronger, faster, smarter children.

Children may form gangs and commit petty criminal activities such as theft under $5000, break and enters, and sodomy.

There will be, however, zero tolerance for child on child murder.

No Religion But Bad Religion

An in-depth census will be taken when I assume control of Canmerico. All citizens who claim they visit any type of church on a regular basis will be issued one of the first five Bad Religion albums. They will be required to write a 500 word essay about what they feel after listening. Those who do not complete the essay or fail to double space will be sold into the Cambodian sex trade.

Churches will be illegal. Those which are not burned down will be converted into shelter for the homeless.

George W Bush Will be Hanged

He’s a war criminal. That’s what we do with war criminals.

Ponytails On Men Are Illegal

Men may have long hair but are forbidden from tying it into a ponytail.

Mullets will no longer exist in Canmerico and any mention thereof will be punished by public flogging.

The fate of the soul patch will be put before the public in a referendum.

Final Thoughts

1. Regis Philbin will have a seat in congress.

2. The national anthem will be the solo from “Eruption“.

3. Children will be left behind.

4. Every second Tuesday will be Pie Day.

5. All rivers will be damned.

6. Capes will be mandatory for vigilantes and the elderly.

7. Dogs are able to vote.

8. People will scars on their face will be given a government stipend of $300.

9. Pooping in the forest is encouraged.

10. George W. Bush WILL be hanged.

I would be a good Leader for Canmerico.

And so that is it. I will accomplish all of these goals and possibly more in my first fifty year term as Leader.

And I’ve decided that it would be best for North America if all three countries folded into one nation, to be ruled over by a supreme power of unrelenting fear. Me.

I know the jargon. I have the swagger. I possess the gab. I can lead a nation. I will lead a nation. These nations!

So come with me, please, as I take you on a journey of the policies and practices I would implement as captain of the ship, leader of the band, Toucan of the Sam.

I’m going to be swift and mighty, short and winded.  To cut down the time it takes to write, say “The United System of America, Canada and Mexico”, I will hereby refer to this newly formed superconductor as “Canmerico”.

Onward!

Gay Marriage is Alright

Prop 8 was passed in California. Please read up on it so you feel the right amount of outrage as any normal person should.

If two people love each other, they should be allowed to express it however they choose. The fact that it’s 2008 and there’s a black president (pending my usurp of power of course) but two men or two women cannot wed is absolutely shameful.

I plan to assign Nathan Lane an ambassadorship to the country of his choosing.

Legalize Pot Now

No one has ever gotten high and beat the shit out of their wife or crossed a median and killed a mother and child.

Some people say marijuana is a gateway drug and they are right: marijuana is a gateway to Doritos and naps.

The only drawback to pot usage is that it makes white kids wear dreadlocks.

No More Navy

With a land mass of over 24 million square kilometers (oh yeah, metric is the law now too), there is absolutely no need for a navy.

I understand the argument that since Canmerico is surrounded by oceans, a large naval fleet of battleships and slightly larger battleships would be ideal. I say nay. Nay to the Navy! As leader I will build dykes and walls up and down the coast, and station military posts on large hills to protect the ports. It worked in colonial times and it’ll damn sure work now.

Racism = $10 000 Fine

Bob and I have talked ad nauseum about racism and how lame and uncool it is. Henceforth, as leader of Canmerico, I will fine any racist activity a fee of ten thousand dollars. Half will be paid to the racistee- the person who has been discriminated against- and half will go to building a super prison where all ex-pat Australian males under will be housed until the gassings.

We’re also going to beat the fuck out of Fred Phelps. I don’t care how old he is or how many gold medals his grandson won. That man needs to take a beating.

Bail Out Your Ass

Wall Street- if there are still streets in Canmerico, I haven’t decided yet- will not get another dime from Joe Six-Pack or Jane Winebox. And you too, GM, Ford and Chrysler. Why don’t you invest in clean energy and join the twenty first century like the rest of us?

No Elections

I’m going to in charge until I am dead. Tough shit, Kucinich.

Sparked by Andrew’s theory on what it should take to be a lawyer, Bob and Andrew run the gauntlet of today’s politico landscape.

Click to listen or download for your iPod.

As we all know July marks the beginning of Canada. We all get together and remember how the British beat the shit out of the French on the Plains of Abraham. How the Hudson Bay Company fur traders set up forts and outposts where they could feed the Aboriginal peoples fire water and sell them small pox blankets. Ah, the memories. Seriously though, Canada is a great place. We’re a simple people who love life, good times and snow. I thought I would take some time out to remind us of our part in keeping this nation great. So, here are a few guidlines to follow in our endeavour to be the best Canadians possible.

In order to be a good Canadian you have to keep up the traditions of the land while not perpetuating negative stereotypes. The first of these duties is the correct use of the word ‘eh’. Over time Canadians have been critisized for their use of this word. Some say it makes Canadians sound dumb or perhaps slow. But I would argue that when used correctly ‘eh’ is the perfect punctuation on a statement. In the right place ‘eh’ should never draw attention to itself, but rather be an organic part of a sentence. Here are some examples:

Have a good one, eh.

See you later, eh.

Have fun, eh.

Betty’s a real bitch, eh.

Really, if anything, ‘eh’ is a little check-in at the end of a statement to see if whoever you’re talking to understands you. It’s when ‘eh’ is over used that it becomes a dull sounding word that can lend an unflattering tone to the speaker. I would argue that it is people with low self esteem who give ‘eh’ a bad name as they’re constantly trying to check-in for approval with whoever they are talking to. They use ‘eh’ at the end of every sentence. When in correct use ‘eh’ should be strategically placed to punctuate whatever point you’re trying to make, eh.

The second thing any good Canadian should be doing to keep our land and culture strong is 2 fold. I like to call it the T-Squared element. Every Canadian should own a Toque and a Toboggan. I don’t know if you’ve heard but we get a lot of snow in Canada. These two pieces of Canadianism are staples of our winter heritage. As a reminder of the importance of the toque and toboggan, I have a ripped toque that I’ve kept since I was but a wee Canadian. You see, one winter I was tobogganing with my father, my uncle and my cousin. I had gone for a run down the hill and wiped out at the base of the sledding lane. My uncle gave my cousin a push, thinking I would be clear of his path by the time he reached me. It was then that tragedy struck. My cousin’s toboggan slammed into my forehead, ripping my toque. I bled all over the snow and had to get eighteen stitches that day. My point: It was a right of passage and both a toboggan and toque were involved. I rest my case.

Also, play safe.

One of the most recognizable and talked about of Canadian traditions is hockey. I know, not everyone in Canada plays hockey. But they should. Hockey is cool. Thereby making Canada that much cooler, since we kick ass at it. Therefore, every Canadian (if they want to be a good Canadian) should play or least have a passing knowledge of hockey. They should all know who Wayne Gretzky, Bobby Orr, Maurice Richard and Gordie Howe are. They should be able to explain how an offside works, what the announcer means when they say ‘there’s a real barn burner going on tonight’, they should have played road hockey when they were a kid (or yesterday) and they should definitely tune into Hockey Night in Canada at LEAST every other Saturday.

Canadians should be able to speak French. But only two phrases worth: “Est que je peux aller aux toilettes?” and “Comment ca va?” which translate to: “May I go to the bathroom?” and “How are you?” Canadians should also be able to read the French labels on products with an ironically bad and exaggerated French accent.

Good Canadians should know that Mr Dressup was far superior to Mr Rogers. Mr Rogers couldn’t even draw, he didn’t have a dog and that train to imaginary land was a thinly disguised drug allegory that is the reason so many American youths are hooked on crack today. Thanks Mr Rogers! I know how they make so much stuff in factories, it was easy for me to convert my basement into a meth lab! But as we all know, being Canadian is not about NOT being American, so I will leave this comparison here.

Canadians can help others recognize our goodness by pointing out any and all famous people who are Canadian. Mike Myers – Canadian. Celine Dion – Canadian. That gay dude that’s married to Elton John – Canadian. Peter Jennings – was Canadian. Neil Young – Canadian. Jennifer Tilly – a screechy Canadian. Peter North – also Canadian. By pointing out other Canadians who have done great or recognizable things, we remind the world of what a great place Canada is. I mean, duh, hello, look at all the great Canadians in Hollywood! Take them away and you take away like… three sixteenths (or something) of the talent!

In order to be an upstanding Canadian, one should look out for one’s fellow Canadians. We’re known world wide for being polite, but it’s more than that. Canadians stick together. We live in peace and harmony with each other, regardless of where our families came from, what colour our skin is, what religion we follow, whether we voted Liberal or Conservative or NDP or Bloc Quebecois or Green or Marijuanna, what we do in the comfort of our own homes, who we sleep with, etc, etc. Being a good Canadian is about living your life in a Canadian way everyday. Which can include any religion, spiritualism, culture, etc. So we cover all the bases. We embrace one another because we know that all people are alike and Canadian at heart. Because Canada kicks ass. We’re a model nation for the modern world and all you have to do is walk the streets of any major Canadian city to see it.

This is by no means a comprehensive list to being a stand-up Canadian, but it’s a good start. So all you Canadians out there – keep on, keeping on.

Keep on watching those heritage commercials:

“Aye Clarence, why don’t you just read it then?”

“Both of you know, I canna read a word…”

Keep on humming the Hockey Night in Canada theme music as you browse the aisles of the liquor store looking for your favourite brand of domestic beer.

Keep on guzzling down that Tim Horton’s coffee by the litre.

Keep on peacekeeping in Afghanistan or wherever you guys are.

Keep on waving that old red and white over the true north strong and free.

Happy Birthday Canada.

You’re looking good for your age. I mean, you are a young country by world standards. I mean, I don’t mean to say you’re old or anything, I’m just saying, you look good no matter how old you get. I mean, it’s never a bad idea to keep up with a little work-out here and there to stay trim and keep the heart healthy, but it’s not like you HAVE to at this point, I just mean… well, you know what I mean.