Alcohol is a wonderful invention, possibly the highlight of the Roman empire.

Booze can do many wonderful things for you.

Examples:

1. Improve your vocabulary.

2. Improve your balance/agility.

3. Cause you to make friends with people you wouldn’t normally associate with (hobos, prostitutes, the elderly)

5. Sing loud karaoke songs

6. Dance when not appropriate.

I will use this soapbox forum to rate alcohol on a scale of one to ten.

Those of you unsure of your liquor may want to sit back and hold on to your chapeau.

Beer is delicious. I rate beer a ten out of ten. No picture needed. Next.

Whiskey can be both classy and the drink of the homeless.

It mixes well with everything from Coke to Pepsi, and comes in many shapely bottles.

Unknown fact number 82 about Whiskey: Bob Woolsey’s middle name is “Whiskey”.

I rate Whiskey a nine.

Some people don’t like Jagermeister. I think those people are assholes. Jager tastes like liquid liquorice. It’s candy that makes you want to fight.

And look at the logo.

How can you not look at that fucking deer and say “No thanks, I’ll stick with my red wine.”? You cannot.

Jager is an eight, only because the bottle is shaped like something that should hold Talcum powder.

Wine is for classy broads. And since you’re browsing bobandandrew.com, I know you are neither of those.

Wine is a five three seven two six fivesix five SIX out of ten.

It tastes gross, however, it can f you up.

So in conclusion and in summary.

Cheers.

I curbed my habit in late 2004. I stopped playing altogether to prepare for the rigors of film school, which believe me was tough as Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas had just hit stores. For those of you who don’t know, the Grand Theft Auto series is as close as it gets to ball blasting perfection. GTA3 opened a whole new chapter in the world of videogames, while Vice City a year later Luckily GTA:SA was a clusterfuck of cheesy storytelling and ridiculousness (seemed easy for poor urban teenager Carl Johnson to get hold of jet packs and F16s). Nevertheless, duty called, and I logged back onto SOCOM as soon as I graduated.

As the X-Box 360 launched and my other, weaker friends moved on to harder and harder stuff, I decided to clean up for good. I Craig’s Listed the fuck out of my PlayStation 2, and didn’t look back. Two years pass, and even though I smoke the occasional cigarette and drink like a fish, I have no other serious addictions.

Enter Grand Theft Auto IV.

I could explain my love-affair with GTA3 and Vice City, even my brief fondling with San Andreas, to a degree. I could tell you why I ABSOLUTELY HAD TO HAVE Grand Theft Auto 4. No more, the honeymoon is over. It is ruining my life. I present to you, in pictures:

To summarize: videogames are to be avoided. Smoke cigarettes, freebase cocaine. These are habits that can be controlled. If you find yourself twenty three years old, wandering around a pretend city in search of two hundred hidden pigeons to shoot in the face, maybe you need to do drugs. An Xbox 360 will ruin your fucking life.