I compile data and research, conduct thorough surveys, and generally use my magnificent (yet still uncertified) sleuthing skills to get to the heart of the issues I am preparing to list.

I have made lists of the best land mammals, curse worse and liquors. However those blogs are absolute bullshit compared to the knowledge I’m about to drop.

While some people (re. cocksucking, sandbagging motherfuckers) have suggested that list-centric blogs are lazy and child-like, I tend to disagree. Lists are what separate us from the animals. Man’s ability to take several similar objects, organize and rank them arbitrarily merely to create conflict is an essential and vital practice. Why, without the “Best Dressed” or “Worst Dressed” lists, we’d be nothing more than monkeys spitting and pooping about!

I am doing mankind a service. So without further to do, what lies onward is a series of hilarious lists.

Top 3 Movie Stars (as defined by box-office draw versus likability)
1. John Cusack
2. The Rock
3. Vince Vaughn

Top 5 Actors (as defined by awards circuit success versus Handsomeinity)
1. Matt Damon
2. Brad Pitt
3. Casey Affleck
4. Ben Affleck
5. Al Pacino

Top 5 Actresses (as defined by awards circuit success versus Hotnessdespiteage)
1. Meryl Streep
2. Julianne Moore
3. Kate Winslet
4. Amy Adams
5. Gene Hackman

Top 5 Videogames
1. Super Mario Bros. 3
2. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time
3. Grand Theft Auto 3
4. WWF Warzone
5. Tetris

Top 3 Bands Andrew Wish Would Die or Stop Making Terrible Music
1. U2
2. Nickleback
3. Buckcherry

Top 1 Sport
1. Hockey

Top 2 Living Beatles
1. Paul McCartney
2. Pete Best

Top 3 Dead Beatles
1. George Harrison
2. John Lennon
3. Ringo Starr

Top 3 Reasons for a Band to Break Up
1. Drummer chokes on own vomit in sleep; group disbands
2. Entire band killed in plane crash
3. Mounting tension, lack of creativity

Top 3 Reasons for Couples to Break Up
1. One person is crazy; the other is not
2. Death of a child; one parent shows a lack of remorse
3. Bear attack; man becomes too ugly to love

Top 6 People who have worked on the website that Andrew knows (who have NOT beat him up)
1. Andrew Menzies
2. Stephen Lebail
3. Marcel Perro
4. Gene Hackman
5. Darren Borrowman
6. Wade Fennig

Top 6 People who have worked on the website that Andrew knows (who HAVE beat him up)
1. Sean Minogue
2. Bob Woolsey
3. Nicholas Humphries
4. Lauren Martin
5. N/A
6. N/A
(Andrew has only been beaten up four times since launching bobandandrew.com. Both lists do not take into account emotional abuse.)

Top 3 Flavours of Cheese
1. Cheddar
2. Mozzarella
3. Kraft Singles

Top 5 American Presidents
1. Taft
2. Nixon
3. Bush
4. Crippled Roosevelt
5. Clinton

Top 2 Members of bobandandrew.com
1. Bob Woolsey
2. Andrew Menzies

Top 3 Deities
1. Jesus
2. Buddha
3. Allah

Top 4 Ways to End a Blog
1. A list
2. Vapid summation that’s both condescending and trite
3. A crushingly personal insult to someone who you feel has wronged you and you wish to lash out at them on a public form, even if that public form is still in its infancy and not too many people will view it. However since most of the viewing audience is composed of the author’s friends, the attack will appear calculated and cold.
4. Abrupt picture of the author