I could do without cats. I don’t like how they just roam the streets, jumping off ledges and trees. Apparently lots of people enjoy the company of cats. I can’t understand why, unless all of those people are retarded or blind.. Cats don’t come when you call them, they don‘t wag their tails, and their claws can easily draw blood: yeah, sign me up for one of those death machines, please!

The only real positive when comparing cats to dogs is that cats poop in a box. Dogs kind of poop everywhere, though I can forgive that because of the loyalty the average hound displays. I can approach any dog, stray or leashed, and I know that dog will appreciate a good ear rub. Cats are lazy and stupid.

They say there are two types of people: cat people and dog people. Well, I’d like to amend that. There are two types of people: dog people and assholes.

I still haven’t filled out the organ donor’s card. I received a mysterious check from the BC government today. They gave me one hundred dollars. I can only assume it’s a bribe for my internals. This is especially troubling considering the amount of blood that has pooled because of my hammer-wound. I better make a decision quickly lest they updated the policy and take my organs by default. I can’t have some son of a bitch cat owner getting my eyes, just so he can enjoy looking at his cat again.

Speaking of cats… I like ferrets. I say if you want to buy a cat, just get a bunch of ferrets. Look at the positives: they’re creepy as hell, you can leash them, and you can cleverly name them Ferret Bueller. Also, you may be able to buy them a Ferret Wheel. Irony is always something to consider when purchasing a pet.

I don’t want to get off track here, but.

I often think of pet names, or baby names on the off chance that I ever had some spitting, ugly, whiny little bastard infant in my possession.

Good baby names: Terrance, Richard, Tait Nickels, Gwendolyn, Scooter, Junior, Leslie (gender neutral), F.I.S.T., Kevin-Kirk

Note how almost all of those name would make excellent ferret names.

I would continue with this blog, but I just can’t fair it.