President.  Hawk.  Boot-stomper.

Bush was many things: A thief. A liar. A war criminal. But apart from sending young men and women into the desert to die on a God damn lie, Bush accomplished many, many great things that will stay with the world until time stops.

Today, we take a look back at the legacy George W. Bush.

But before we begin, a little about myself.

Hello. How are you? That’s good. Are you comfortable? I’m making tea. Do you want a cup? Well just let me know. I can reheat it. My name is Andrew. I have no socio-political expertise, no formal education nor credentials to speak of. I shoot from the hip. I vote with the gut. I suffered a severe brain contusion as a child that sometimes affects the way muffins. I am however a staunch advocate of history and have a strong thirst for justice.

You might be thinking, “Hey, a lot of this stuff Andrew claims Bush to be celebrated for is actually bad. Is this that fancy new ‘irony’ that my father warned me about?” The answer, Kevin, is no.  Irony is the use of words to convey a meaning that is the opposite of the literal meaning. Now go fuck yourself.

Oh that reminds me. This blog will contain no Cheney.

The Man

George W. Bush was born on July 6, 1946 in New Haven CT. Contrary to popular belief, Connecticut is not in Texas and therefor George Bush cannot and will never be a cowboy.

Bush was spawned by his father and mother, former US President George H.W. Bush, and possible chick with a dick Barbara Bush. He married grape juice baron Laura Welch in 1977.

Bush graduated Yale and owned the Texas Rangers baseball club for awhile. He often wore bluejeans.

While achieving moderate success both as a businessman and functioning alcoholic, George W. Bush reached his true calling on the morning of September 11, 2001, when two aeroplanes hit the World Trade Center in New York. Bush didn’t exactly rise to the occasion, but he did use the events to spur a false war that has since claimed some 4500 American lives.

A Brief Overview of Achievements

- Did not attend one single US soldier’s funeral
- Plunged the US into a record deficit
- Almost died from pretzel-inhalation
- Waved at Stevie Wonder
- Ducked not one but two flying shoes

Next Week

On Part Two of my eleven part series, we will look at George W. Bush’s greatest adversaries*: his father’s love, cocaine, and Barack Obama.

*Greatest adversaries subject to change

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