Myspace, for those of you too cool for school/who have attention deficit disorder, was the big social-networking site before Facebook shot its beans all over the Internets.

The differences between Myspace and Facebook are glaring, but that’s not that this blog is about. Though I turfed my clusterfuck of a Myspace page about a year ago, I still find myself yearning for some of the site’s more gnarly features: Profile music playlists, over-sized and flashing backgrounds, and the fact that you can be friends with Satan . However I still find Facebook’s clean, unified themes much more appealing.

The big featuring lacking on Facebook are bulletin posts. You may argue that "the wall" and "notes" accomplish relatively the same thing, but you’d be wrong, cocksucker. Bulletins were updated in real time in a box right on your main page. While on Facebook you have to looking for your friends’ list of pasta recipes or drunk-diatribes about ex-lovers, Myspace has its car crashes right there, unable to miss.

I got to thinking about the similarities between the two giant sites, and how they more or less allow young people to define themselves based on books, movies and music other people have created. This dovetails nicely with a popular note that was frequently sent around Myspace: The Life Shuffle.

Here are the rules, as per the standard form letter:

1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.

The capital letters let you know this is for fucking real .

I thought it would be interesting If I did this test with my massive pile of iTunage and try to weave a through-line. I’ll warn you in advance that I failed.

1.) Are you a male or female?
"I Ain’t Tha 1" by N.W.A
Already a wrench in the works. According to the folklore, this test is supposed to describe you and your personality in a frighteningly accurate way. I fail to see anything in this hit. The song is more or less Ice Cube’s opinion about women, explicit and childish as you might expect from early 1990s Los Angeles gangster rap. It doesn’t help that this song begins with Eazy E nonsensically saying "bitch bitch bitch" for about thirty seconds.

2.) Describe yourself:
"Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want" by The Smiths
Okay, perhaps we’ve got something here. "Haven’t had a dream for a long time", "So for once in my life, let me get what I want": a little emotional, but I can find moments in my past where this would tie together a nice montage. The Smiths are a great band to drink to, or to listen to after coming home from drinking. Sad, yet morosely hopeful.

3.) How do you feel about yourself?
"Black Sabbath" by Black Sabbath
While I am certain a fiery hell awaits me in death, I do not consider myself special enough for the Devil to hunt me like game.

4.) Describe your current location:
"The Golden Road" by Pete Yorn
I’ll admit I wasn’t familiar with this song. I "purchased" some Pete Yorn a few weeks ago and haven’t gotten around to Westerns yet. Sort of works. Not as good as "Burrito", however.

5.) Describe what you want to be:
"I Write The Songs" by Me First and the Gimme Gimmes
Good enough, I suppose.

6) Describe your best friend:
"Stop This Train (Acoustic)" by John Mayer
I wish I knew a conductor, let alone well enough to consider him my best friend. Think of all the perks: travel tips, the hat, free coal… yeah, that would be the life.

7.) You know that:
"Oh Yoko!" by John Lennon
I know that A) Yoko frightens me and B) this is not John’s best work.

8.) What is the weather like?
"Gatekeeper" by Feist
A song about summer, and it is summer. Whoa!

9) if your life was a tv show what would you name it?
"Can You Rock It Like This" by Run DMC
F the TV show. This is what I call my autobiography.

10) what did you do today?
"The Emperor Of Wyoming" by Neil Young
There are no lyrics to this little doosey, but I do consider it a great walking around song. And I did walk today.

11.) What is the best advice you have to give?
"Listen to My Heart" by The Ramones
A little emo, even considering the source. I try to listen to my heart, but usually my brain is saying "Have another beer," or "Yeah, you can totally jump over the park bench,".

12.) Describe your love life:
"They Hung Him on a Cross [#][Demo Version]" by Nirvana
I wonder if there are crucifixion fetishists. I’m not talking abot getting strung up on a cross and getting spanked, I mean motherfuckers getting nails drilled into them for sexual release.

13.) How are you going to die?
"Whatcha Drinkin’" by Hüsker Dü
Bang on.

14.) If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
"Bicycle Race (live)" by Queen
"Mr. Race, your table is ready."

15) What do your friends think of you?
"My Hero" by Foo Fighters
This is the kind of ego-maniacal bullshit these surveys can get you. You come across a certain match like this, start to do the math, and get an inflated sense of accomplishment based on several instances when yes, perhaps you’d appear that way to your friends. However not me, not Andrew Menzies. My one instance of heroism involved a hotdog and a windy day, and well, that story is for another time.

16) What is your funeral song going to be?
"Someone’s in the Wolf" by Queens Of The Stone Age
What a way to die. Digested by a wolf. A boy can dream.

So as you can see, if you try hard enough, you can use other people’s art to eek out some kind of personality in yourself. I know I went a long way to get there and perhaps didn’t fully elaborate on my points, but fuck off. This is bobandandrew.com, not "bobandsomeotherjerkbag.com".

This is where I drop the mic.