Don’t worry, it’s normal. We’re not supposed to talk about it, we’re supposed to love ourselves and treat ourselves with respect. When really all we want to do is jump off that ledge and hope to god reincarnation exists so we can have some hope of ending up as that person we’ve always wanted to be.

Sounds depressing, doesn’t it? Well it is. Here’s why:

The fact is we’ve all got this deep seeded desire to be someone else because society has been telling us since were fetus’s (feti?) that we aren’t good enough. We don’t cut it. We’re not strong enough or we’re not blond enough or we’re just plain stupid (looking at you Steve Blouin.) It’s a wonder any of us can even put on a veil of self confidence much less actually believe in ourselves. It all makes a lot of sense if you just stand back and look at the world objectively for a moment (something this blog strives to do for you: the appreciated reader.) I mean, of course we hate ourselves, we can never get away from ourselves! We know every screwed up thing we’ve ever done, thought about doing or just about did. Charismatic John from down the lane seems like he has a much better life because you don’t have to be with him every second of the day.

Let’s face it folks, life has some pretty dark moments. No, I’m not talking about 9/11 although that certainly rates. I was thinking of the smaller, more personal moments. Why just now I nearly had a nervous breakdown for no other reason than because I felt lonely. HA! Lonely, that’s small potatoes compared to some people’s problems. I bet Charismatic John never gets lonely… or does he?

We all have these issues of insecurity and self-doubt from time to time. Does the knowledge that other people also feel pain in their lives make it any easier? Shit no, in fact it may even make things harder. Because now every time I see Charismatic John I scrutinize him for some inkling of flaw and I can’t find it. He presents himself so properly to the world that it drives me nuts. How does he do it?!

Now this is the real kicker of it all – the people who seem they have it together the most (like our friend John) are usually the most screwed up. I don’t have any scientific numbers on this, but I want to believe it to be true. Charismatic John’s source of his charisma? Probably Crystal Meth. Uh-huh, he’s most likely a raging dope fiend. And to think all this time I actually wanted to BE him. What was I thinking? How could I have been so blind? His rotting teeth, the disheveled clothing – I should have known something was up. But he just seemed so chipper!

The moral of story is this: Don’t be stupid, we all have problems, insecurities and general issues to be dealt with. The fact is you’re not going to be happy with yourself all the time. Stop trying to be. Embrace your inner conflict and use it. For what, I don’t know. The conventional wisdom is to believe in yourself. To know that you are just as good as anyone else, all people are created equal and all that. But really these are all just nice things to say. Like when your mother tells you that you’re special – the odds just don’t back that up.

The fact is you’re really on your own out there. Everyone wants a quick fix, that one thing that’s going to put their life on track. You ever hear of ‘The Secret’? That self-help method that swept the nation a while ago? Here’s a secret – there is no secret. It’s just a matter of putting your head down and trucking through till you reach a place of good standing. It’s hard and unpleasant, much like going to the dentist. But after it’s all done you have a very clean mouth and it feels refreshing. So good luck and godspeed. Heaven knows we all need it. Even you, Charismatic John, even you.

P.S. Don’t ever type the word ‘fetus’ into google image search. You will not like what you see. Trust me.

Alcohol is a wonderful invention, possibly the highlight of the Roman empire.

Booze can do many wonderful things for you.

Examples:

1. Improve your vocabulary.

2. Improve your balance/agility.

3. Cause you to make friends with people you wouldn’t normally associate with (hobos, prostitutes, the elderly)

5. Sing loud karaoke songs

6. Dance when not appropriate.

I will use this soapbox forum to rate alcohol on a scale of one to ten.

Those of you unsure of your liquor may want to sit back and hold on to your chapeau.

Beer is delicious. I rate beer a ten out of ten. No picture needed. Next.

Whiskey can be both classy and the drink of the homeless.

It mixes well with everything from Coke to Pepsi, and comes in many shapely bottles.

Unknown fact number 82 about Whiskey: Bob Woolsey’s middle name is “Whiskey”.

I rate Whiskey a nine.

Some people don’t like Jagermeister. I think those people are assholes. Jager tastes like liquid liquorice. It’s candy that makes you want to fight.

And look at the logo.

How can you not look at that fucking deer and say “No thanks, I’ll stick with my red wine.”? You cannot.

Jager is an eight, only because the bottle is shaped like something that should hold Talcum powder.

Wine is for classy broads. And since you’re browsing bobandandrew.com, I know you are neither of those.

Wine is a five three seven two six fivesix five SIX out of ten.

It tastes gross, however, it can f you up.

So in conclusion and in summary.

Cheers.

featuring:
Wade Fennig as Sol
Stephen LeBail as Ped
and
Steve Blouin as Himself

LATE
featuring:
Wade Fennig as Henry
Stephen LeBail as Jorge
Patti Kim as Cassandra
with
Andrew Menzies & Steve Blouin as the Investors