Illustrations by Alan Sung.

Click on the comic for a larger view.

As it turns out, God has a beard and guitar. He sings of the common folk, of love and of heart ache. He tells stories and paints pictures of all the varied emotions we feel as human beings. Then he hangs out with Willie Nelson and John Prine while he collects royalty cheques for such hits as Sunday Morning Comin Down, Help Me Make it Through the Night, and the aforementioned Me and Bobby McGee. This guy is truly a living legend. If there were anyone in the world that I wish was my Dad (other than my real Dad, of course) it would be Kris Kristofferson. Sure, I would’ve had to put up with an alcoholic father who spent most of his time on the road but I would’ve also been calling Johnny Cash Uncle. The pros seriously outweigh the cons.

Lets start off by running down a little of this guy’s more impressive accomplishments. A man of great intelligence, Kristofferson was a Rhodes Scholar. He was a golden gloves boxer. The son of a United States General, he entered the army where he gained the rank of Captain. It was in the army that he became a helicopter pilot. Upon being offered tenure to teach at the illustrious West Point Military Academy, Kristofferson turned it down, moved to Nashville and became a janitor. It was there that he pitched many of his now legendary songs to the likes of Johnny Cash and other country superstars of the time. I think it goes without saying that this guy could kill you with his bare hands then turn around and sing a heartbreaking love song to your lifeless corpse. No small feat in my book.

I’m sure you’ve all heard the story of Kristofferson landing his helicopter on the front lawn of Johnny Cash’s house and handing him a demo of ‘Sunday Morning Comin’ Down’. Cash went on to record the song and thus began Kristofferson’s career as one of the greatest American songwriters of all time. He’s basically an action hero with a guitar. And a beard. He’s like a country singing Chuck Norris, but cooler.

Of course while all this was going on, Kristofferson also became an actor. He was good friends with the infamous Sam Peckinpah and acted for Peckinpah many times. He nailed Barbara Streisand in ‘A Star is Born‘ and even acted for a young Martin Scorsese in ‘Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore‘. What did I tell you? Cooler than Chuck Norris by far.

Now lets indulge in something of an academic exercise and analyze one of Kristofferson’s songs. There is no truer test for a poet than to have your words stand up to in-depth scrutiny. We will now shed light on the magnificent songwriting prowess that is Kris Kristofferson. We will delve into the man’s very soul to uncover truths about humanity and see if his words can stand the test of time.

For this exercise I have chosen ‘Sam’s Song’ from Kristofferson’s 1995 album A Moment of Forever.

SAM’S SONG by Kris Kristofferson

I have been with the best that the bastards could muster
From Danny the Dildo to Sidney the Snake
And I feel like a working girl pausing to wonder
Just how much screwin’ the spirit can take

Chorus:
I said, “Willie old buddy, please tell me again
The reason to keep goin’ on.”
He said, “There’s no harder words to say over a friend
Than they done you so righteously wrong
They stopped you from singing your song”

He was our hero, boys, he took the bullet
But he went down swingin’ his fist from the floor
You can ask any working girl south of the border
Sam Peckinpah era un hombre for sure

Chorus:
Willie old buddy please tell me again
The reason to keep goin’ on
He said, “There’s no harder words to say over a friend
Than they done you so righteously wrong
They stopped you from singin’ your song.”

But not me.

Analysis: KICK ASS!

See you in October Kris.